school ended today.

sometimes i want to scream and rewind my life just to relive it all over again.

sometimes i want to burn the school down.

i have virtually no means to suceed in either option.

i hope everyone had a great year. the gap between when i last wrote a xanga entry and now is almost my entire school year. strange how much time has passed. i've changed as a whole, and i don't know if i changed for better or for worse, but no one can stop me anyhow.

i might post on xanga more often, but only to express random thoughts, to serve as a record of my life.

here's proof i actually existed.
     there's a reason for the world: you and i.

heh, haven't 'quacked' in this thing in awhile, but 'tis all right because i haven't really been using it to comment either. well, i don't know if that's really all right... those who are into comment materialism just had to deal without wit from the connie, oh yeah.

how exciting school is beginning soon, but i won't complain /too/ much about how rushedsleepystupid i am feeling. i did create a spiffy collage for the global experience class, benny afflek has his eyes x'ed out. mmmyeah, i put a little bit of connie into the collection moreover than your basic american priorities.

i've been doing a lot of junk lately, and i'd really just like to slow down on life. i always do.

but i never can.

and i feel some complaints coming on.

but i'll try to hold them back.

and i'll try to stop hitting the enter key.

it's certainly not healthy to hold these things back. i recall in fifth grade or something, we had a good buddy in health class with the striking resemblance of a pillow - we were so close to it, all thirty of us performed the heimlich on it. and when one was stressed and all frazzled, you were also supposed to use the pillow as an outlet for the anger.

yeah, i'm not going to do that.

i was reading somethings since i woke up at an ungodly hour on a summer tuesday (what the hell, it's wednesday!?), and it's funny how identities are stolen across the net. it reminds me of the antitheft credit cards on the commercials, and ... those are amusing. well, i miss a lot of you. this doesn't really have to do with the identity thefts, but i didn't want to make yet another paragraph. and by a lot of you, i mean the people who are busy. not the people reading this. 'cause i know i've talked to you, and i don't miss you that much, nah. i wish i could write the names, but it's ... i don't know, i can't.

it's going to be some year.

     that's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight 

     i'm losing my religion, i'm trying to keep up with you

feeling thoughtful once again, and i already posted on unforgettable, so it's cheating otherwise. and nobody likes a cheater, so kudos to xanga.

i've been sitting here, listening to the rain for a good deal, but my mind has been absent and fixed on a single idea the entire time. kind of feels like i just had an epiphany, but i don't think it counts when you don't know what exactly the epiphany is, and you're about to fall asleep. not at all certain what it is, but hearing the rhythm of the rain while staring out the window into nearly absolute darkness has some sort of tranquillity to it, and it provides long, overdue composure i just haven't felt in a long time. life has been so rushed and hurried for countless years, and not only in my life, but perhaps in all those i know. childhood and adolescence are all we really have until we actually get on the fast track. some of us have more responsibility than anyone has ever seen, that was actually presented to untimely teenagers. i wonder what tasks children are expected to embrace in twenty years.

a friend of nineteen runs a particularly chaotic, difficult life. she works hours at a seemingly dead-end job, where she comes home to take care of her young siblings and a now extra complicated relationship with her mother. she is paid nearly minimum wage and is expected to feed herself and her siblings since said mother is currently on "strike." her father committed suicide, and she is working on a secondary job. maybe it's not in my place to describe such a situation, and nineteen wasn't what i had in mind when i had said chilren, but perhaps in a decade or so, this will be the life of a ten year old, minus the jobs. i suppose some children around that age already have a life like this. i've heard more songs lately where the artists illustrate how they are so much more aged than they can take.

and here will be where the arbitrary entry shall end. i've notions of awakening my brother at four o'clock (that is if he's actually asleep) to wish him a merry birthday, for i believe that's of the hour he was born. otherwise he's just out of luck and will be awake. sometimes it isn't all that bad. to be awake, that is.

http://unforgettable.twistfull.net

migration.

je suis retournée.